Church Bulletin Bloopers

The Bulletin Bloopers Page Was Compiled BY Peter O'Neill

Funny Things We've Said & Done

BULLETIN BLOOPER #1...

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

BLOOPER #2... Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and HEAVE a healthy lunch.

BLOOPER #3... The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

BLOOPER #4... Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm-prayer and Medication to follow.

BLOOPER #5... The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

BLOOPER #6... Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

BLOOPER #7... A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Blooper #8... Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

9 Funny Things Kids Wrote About the Bible...

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS WERE THEIR ANSWERS. NO TOUCH-UPS OR CORRECTIONS.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT REALLY POOPED BY CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

A LITTLE THOUGHT

One of the greatest keys to happiness and fulfilment in life is the ability to back away from a tough situation and smile! It comes from a deep rooted trust in the Lord! When you know He Loves you and has a plan for your life you face anything and still have a praise in your heart and a smile on your lips!

So if you're going to cultivate any characteristic... cultivate a sense of humor and a sense of trust! Can't have one without the other! Enough said!